A poem written by Moses.

This is Psalm 90.

A prayer of Moses the man of God.

Lord, you have been our dwelling place
throughout all generations.
Before the mountains were born
or you brought forth the earth and the world,
from everlasting to everlasting you are God.

You turn men back to dust,
saying, "Return to dust, O sons of men."

For a thousand years in your sight
are like a day that has just gone by,
or like a watch in the night.

You sweep men away in the sleep of death;
they are like the new grass of the morning-
though in the morning it springs up new,
by evening it is dry and withered.

We are consumed by your anger
and terrified by your indignation.

You have set our iniquities before you,
our secret sins in the light of your presence.

All our days pass away under your wrath;
we finish our years with a moan.

The length of our days is seventy years—
or eighty, if we have the strength;
yet their span is but trouble and sorrow,
for they quickly pass, and we fly away.

Who knows the power of your anger?
For your wrath is as great as the fear that is due you.

Teach us to number our days aright,
that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

Relent, O LORD! How long will it be?
Have compassion on your servants.

Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love,
that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.

Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us,
for as many years as we have seen trouble.

May your deeds be shown to your servants,
your splendor to their children.

May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us;
establish the work of our hands for us—
yes, establish the work of our hands.

i love it i hate it.

Sometimes I hate being a Christian.

But I probably wouldn't hate it so much if my heart weren't so ugly. Last night I got frustrated at my roommate. She didn't even do anything, I was just tired and wanted to finish my homework, and I took my frustration out on her. But I had bitterness in my heart toward her. And it started growing.

This morning I woke up feeling yuck because I knew that I had murdered her in my heart. I went to class before she woke up and then came home. When I saw her car my stomach cringed, because I knew what I needed to do. I moped around for a few minutes, thinking about how I hate being a Christian, because I hate laying down my pride. I hate confessing my sins. If I weren't a Christian, I for sure would not tell her how ugly my heart is.

I avoided it for about fifteen minutes, and then I couldn't stand it anymore. I confessed to her that I was angry and frustrated at her last night.

A wall crumbled down. I felt like I could be real and honest with her again. I felt like I could love her and receive her love. More importantly, I knew that now I could go before God with a clean conscious.

Sometimes the things that hurt the most, are the things that are the best for everyone.

Ahhhh, I love being a Christian.

Red polo and black pants.

I have been wearing my work clothes for 29 hours. Gross, I know.

Yesterday I went into work at 3 and went straight to a study group afterwards. I'm not going to lie, I really love my groupies. We work hard, but we definitely have a lot of fun. Last night was a blast. But we did not finish 'til almost 3 a.m. So I went home and got in bed in my work clothes. And then I got up and went back to work this morning. And I just got off work and now I am at Panera enjoying the gift card that my father gave me. In my work clothes. Hahahaha.

Ok, homework time. My favorite time :)

life is beautiful.

If you need a little bit more beauty in your life, try the following things:

1. Listen to JJ Heller, Phil Wickham, Jon Foreman, or any hymn written before the the 1900's.

2. Wake up before everyone in your house. Embrace the quietness and be still (and stay awake).

3. Remember what Jesus has done for you.

4. Confess your sins. This will have the greatest impact on making your life more beautiful.

r.i.p.

Today when I checked my phone after Old Testament Survey, I had a text from my roommate. Here is what it said:

i found dan!! RIP...next to the dryer :(

Dan was one of our baby hamsters who escaped.

The era of the hamsters has officially ended.

Choose Love.

Love is a choice.

It is not a feeling,

or something that just happens,

or a universal force that wipes away all of the bad things.

Choose to love today.

Love your brother.

Love your neighbor.

Love your enemy.

That's all. Just choose to love today.

facing grace

The past eight months I have been obsessing about grace. I have realized just how powerful it is, and I have accepted the fact that I need it in my life. I have learned not to run away from a situation when I have messed up big time, but to march right up to that situation, and accept the grace that is to be offered.

But that's just the thing. I have begun to take it lightly. Grace isn't cheap. I have failed to realize that when I am marching right up to a situation, I am actually marching right up to a person. I don't realize that it is costing that person who is offering me grace.

I think I didn't realize this because I never gave much grace to anyone. That's why I didn't realize it was costly.

Grace is so expensive.

At the end of Luke 7, in a beautiful act of love a sinful woman pours out costly ointment on Jesus' feet anointing them with her own tears and wiping them with her hair. The ointment was costly, but she didn't care, for she had been forgiven much. That's why she loved much.

Then Jesus goes on to say that "he who has been forgiven little, loves little."

I have the most wonderful friends in the world. They forgive me for so much. Seriously, last semester, I was so terrible to them, but they forgive me every day and they love me so much.

But the truth of the matter is that I have not admitted to myself that I even need forgiveness.

Does that make sense? When Jesus said the part about those who have been forgiven little, love little, he was talking to some Pharisees. The thing about Pharisees is that they thought they were righteous. They thought that they were achieving righteousness through the law.

I thought I was doing it all right (just read previous blogs and you will see how arrogant I was).

I thought that I was holy and didn't need anyone's forgiveness.

I was wrong.

I. need. forgiveness.

I mess up and I need to be ok with that. I'm still working on it. Geez, it's hard.