starting over again...again.

      Lately I have been running around like crazy trying to do everything. I have been trying to unite the believers in my community and hang out with my unbelieving neighbors and disciple girls and invest in my co-workers and help run intramural sports at the high school and figure out summer school and try to get involved with some elders so that they can guide me as I try to figure out what missions agency to go with and love my roommates when they don’t wash their dishes and pretty much I have been trying to run the world!

     Don’t get me wrong, it has been a blast, like, so much fun, but I think it’s time that I step back and let God do what He wants to do and watch and let Him use me. Like, I have been trying to use God to accomplish my vision for my neighborhood rather than being attentive to what He is doing, and joining in with that. 

So, once again, I am starting over. Haha. It’s funny because I think that Jesus commanded that somewhere...oh yah! He said, “take up your cross daily and follow me.” So it actually is biblical to start over again. And I should more often than I do. 

Tulips are beautiful

     This is a paper I wrote for theology class. Here we go...

      This teaching curriculum is designed to show how much we are in need of God’s grace and to show how his grace is affecting the world. A proper understanding of how God’s hands are shaping this world will create in us a deeper gratefulness for what he has done and a dependence upon Him for what he is doing. Through this teaching curriculum I hope that the learner will grasp God’s grace more fully and live in the reality of what he has done.

You may feel like there is no way to understand divine election. Or you may feel like it is not important. I used to feel the same way, but now that I have studied it (although I don’t fully understand it) I am more thankful and grateful to God for his grace. Taking steps forward and being patient as God has changed my heart regarding election has made me love him so much more. 

 

First off, we will discuss the condition of man. Humans are totally unable to do good apart from God. To understand this, we must look at the fall of man. Adam sinned, and because he sinned, we are all under the power of sin. Romans 5:12 says that sin entered the world through Adam and death came in to the world through sin. And so death spread to all men causing all men to sin.

 

Picture it like this: Adam sinned. Sin is like a PVC pipe going from Adam into the world. Death is the water that is running through the pipe that is sin. Since we are all from the seed of Adam, we all have this pipe running into us. The  death water has contaminated us all (all humans) causing us all to sin. 

This sin disables us from doing anything righteous. Remember when Romans 5:12 says that death spread to all men? Without the grace of God, we are all spiritually dead. Because of our dead state, we are unable to do anything good. It’s like if you were to talk to a dead person and tell him to get up and do something. He will not do it because he is not able. That is how humans are apart from God’s grace. And it is utterly sinful to be that way. 

So, you ask, “Are all humans doomed to death for all of eternity?” Well, let us look back into history and see what has happened to our forefathers. Check out Able’s story in Hebrews 11. The Bible says that God counted his sacrifice as righteous. But it was not the sacrifice that was counted righteous, but rather he was counted righteous according to the faith that he exercised in making the sacrifice. We also see that Abraham was counted righteous through his faith in God. Also, Noah, Sarah, David, and the Prophets were commended for their faith. So we see that through faith in God, this eternal spiritual death is overcome. 

But this begs the question, “If we are spiritually dead and unable to do anything good, how do we even exercise faith in order to achieve that righteousness? Where do we get the faith to believe?”

It is time to talk about grace. 

Let’s try to grasp God’s patience and mercy to help us more clearly understand His grace. God is patient towards sinners every moment that He does not destroy them while they are in their sinful state. His mercy causes Him to look upon sinners with compassion. What is the significance? Thanks to his patience, sinners are not immediately destroyed upon birth, because of their sin. Because of his mercy, He looks upon them with pity and compassion which causes Him to bestow his grace upon them.

 Grace is the force that carries life along and that saves people from God’s wrath. We will return to this later. 

So, back to the question at hand, “If a person is spiritually dead, how does he ever exercise faith enough to be counted righteous (saved)?” The answer is this: God, through His grace, grants it. God preforms a miracle resurrection each time he gives saving faith to one of his sheep. 

In John 10:22-28, Jesus tells the Jews the reason that they do not believe (have faith) in him. He says that they do not believe because they are not part of his flock (v.26). He gives eternal life to his sheep. He gives spiritual life to his sheep, but the Jews did not hear his voice and believe because they are not a part of his flock.  

You are probably wondering, “how do I receive this grace? How do I become a sheep?” There is actually nothing that you can do to achieve it. God grants grace unconditionally. Romans 9 gives an example about Jacob and Esau. It says that before either of them were born, and before either of them had done anything good or bad, God chose to have mercy on Jacob and not to have mercy on Esau. Verse 16 of chapter 9 says that it does not depend on human will or desire, but on God who has mercy. John Piper explains this well. He says that

 

We really do not understand mercy if we think that we can initiate it by 

our own will or effort. We are hopelessly bound in the darkness of sin. 

If we are going to be saved, God will have to unconditionally take the 

initiative in our heart and irresistibly make us willing to submit to him.

When God does choose to lavish His saving grace upon someone, it will always take effect. God does allow humans to resist his gracious gifts in common areas of life (those not pertaining to salvation). Humans receive this kind of grace, what theologians call “common grace” in each breath that they take, each scientific discovery that is made, and each beautiful day at the beach. Even nature receives common grace. Not only does the earth sprout weeds and thorns, but it also produces fruit bearing plants. It is his grace that allows humans to experience the goodness of God. 

Understanding this grace has transformed my prayer life. When I pray for my brothers and sisters and my lost friends, I beg God to grant them the grace to accomplish his will. It is so much fun to pray for God’s grace to manifest itself in people’s lives, and it is even cooler when it actually becomes visible! I love observing the grace of God. However, both the saved and the unsaved, the elect and the un-elect are able to resist this common grace. 

But thanks be to God that His saving grace is irresistible. It effectively calls all of the members of the Church out of their dead state into life through faith in Christ. That means that when God chooses a person, he is stuck with God forever! God makes the person whom He has chosen love him. It is not as if He gives grace to someone, they have faith, and they are miserable about it. When a person is saved by God, his mind is transformed, and he loves God and loves being chosen by God.

In fact, the saved person, the found sheep loves belonging to God so much that he will remain God’s forever. God has his sheep, and He will not let go. John 10:28 says that no one will snatch His sheep from His hands.

There is one las aspect of divine election that needs to be addressed. It has caused me great grief as I have considered the un-elect and their damned state, but wrestling through this has given me a fuller picture of the goodness of the justice of God. It has also given me a huge appreciation for what He has done with my life. Appreciation is a lousy word. I am often floored and speechless when I consider the injustice that God has shown me by redeeming me. Hopefully this explanation will not cause you to question the goodness of God, but rather stir up in you a passion for his grace.

The reason that God’s saving grace is irresistible is that Jesus’ death on the cross was effectual. This means that everyone for whom Jesus died will be saved. How can this be? Because Jesus died for the Church alone. The cross was not an event that allowed men to save themselves, but an act that accomplished what it set out to do: to save the Church because Christ loves his bride.

 

When Jesus died on the cross, He said, “It is finished.” He did not say, “Now it is possible.”

 His death on the cross fully accomplished what it intended to accomplish, that is, to atone for the sins of His Bride.  His death on the cross did not make it possible for people to choose to accept a gift of atonement resulting in salvation. What happened on the cross was the actual act of the Savior redeeming His people. 

So, yes. It is unjust for God to send His son to die for some. It is unjust in that it was not “fair” for the perfect Jesus to die for sinners. When I remember that the just King has no reason to deliver any sinners from his wrath which they have earned, but we all really do deserve total destruction yet in his most beautiful act of love, he has delivered us through the death of his son. He has poured his grace out upon some. When I realize the cost of the grace that I have received, and how I never deserved it, I am super thankful. And when I further remember that it is my Father’s world and not my own, and that  he knows what he is doing and that he is doing the best thing, I have peace. It still hurts like crazy, to think that my friends may never receive God’s saving grace, but I am still praying that He will pour it out onto them. 

The very beginning of Genesis foreshadows everything that has been discussed thus far. In Genesis 3:15, God promises a Deliverer. In 3:22-23, God sends Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden so that they do not eat from the tree of life and live forever. He sends them away so that they cannot accomplish their own redemption. This shows us that it was the Father’s original plan to to send His Son to accomplish it for us! He is pleased to be our Deliverer!  

The Story of God.

This is the story of God. I am going to start out by telling a little bit about the character of God and his being. Then I will tell why God created the world, and how he is actively involved in human history. I will finish by telling you what part of the story you are involved in.

There are  aspects of God’s character that are hard for us as humans to understand, but it is still possible to grasp the concepts about him. But there are some aspects that are simply impossible for us to wrap our minds around. First, I will discuss the understandable, or communicable, attributes of God. 

God is omniscient. He knows everything. He has exact knowledge of every happening, every thought, and every idea (such as scientific theories and such). He knows them all; past, present, and future. God is good. Every action that God preforms comes from purely good motives, and the results of his actions are always perfectly good. God is love. God defines love. In today’s culture, love can be confused with affection, lust, or feelings of enjoyment. But God defines love.

 God is holy. Holy means set apart and sacred. God is just. God does not tolerate sin(to be defined later). He destroys evil and upholds righteousness. God is free. He is free to do whatever he wants to do. No action or decision that he does depends on anyone or anything outside of himself. God is all-powerful, or omnipotent. Everything is subject to him. God is perfect. 

God is independent. He does not need anybody. He is self-sustaining. God is unchangeable. He is perfect. He always has been. He cannot change to become any better or worse. God is eternal. He has no beginning and no end. He has always been and will always be. He is not a created being. God is omnipresent. He is present everywhere. God is three persons in one being. Theologians call this the trinity (from tri-unity). The three persons that are God are the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. The Father is fully God, the Son is fully God, and the Holy Spirit is fully God. However, the Father is not the Son nor is the Son the Holy Spirit. And the Holy Spirit is not the Father. They are equally God, being united as one, yet unique in their persons. 

Now that we have an idea of who God is, lets take a look at what He has done, is doing, and will do. In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. He created the world and everything in it for his own pleasure. He delights in his creation because it brings him glory. God created the planets, stars and galaxies, he created the plants, animals and humans. He even created gravity and photosynthesis.

The first man was named Adam. God made him in his own image and gave him dominion over all of the plants and animals. He put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it. He told the man that he could eat the fruit off of any tree in the garden except for the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. God  said that the day that he eats of the tree he would surely die. Then he gave man a wife, Eve.

Through the deceptiveness of a serpent and man’s decision to disobey God’s loving warning and eat from the fruit of the tree, sin entered the world, and death entered through sin. Adam and Eve did not die physically that day, but they did die spiritually.

The consequence of their disobedience resulted in a curse on all of creation. But in that curse, God promised to provide a deliverer from the curse. From the very beginning, God had a purpose to deliver his creation from the curse that they were subjected to. 

Humanity started and people went about their own lives, pursuing their own passions, and turning away from the love of God. So God called upon a man named Abraham; a worshiper of false gods. God spoke to him and said, “Go from your country to the land that I will show you. I will bless you and I will make your name

 great. I will make you into a great nation, and I will bless all of the nations of the earth through you.” God blessed Abraham so that he would be a blessing to the rest of the world. God was making an unconditional covenant with Abraham. There was nothing that Abraham could do, either good or bad, that would cause God to withhold his steadfast love from Abraham and the rest of the world. 

In their old age, Abraham and his wife, Sarah gave birth to a son named Isaac. It was through Isaac that the promise would be fulfilled. Isaac gave birth to Jacob, who was re-named Israel. Israel had twelve sons who became the twelve tribes of Israel. This group of people, known collectively as the nation of Israel, is the continuation of God’s promise to Abraham. 

God blessed Israel so that they would show the world who he is.

Israel continually turned away from God and still God remained faithful to his people and his promise. He delivered his people from slavery in Egypt, and created a new kind of covenant so that the people would know him better. 

This time, God made a conditional covenant with the Israelites. It was a two way covenant, so that both parties, God and Israel, had to keep the promise that they were making, or else face the consequences of breaking the promise. He tells them that if they keep this covenant, that they will be his treasured possession. But if they did not obey all of his commands, they would be guilty and have to pay with the shedding of their own blood. Israel chose to accept the offer, and joined into this special relationship with God. 

This new covenant, called the Mosaic covenant was created as a reflection of God’s holiness. God’s restricting the Israelites from unclean things and his demands for justice in the covenant show his character. God’s love for the widow and the orphan are evident in his demands that Israel love and accept them. His demand that the blood of animals was to be shed when they sin shows the justice of God, and the severity of sin. He will not tolerate sin.

But before God could even finish giving the instructions of the covenant, Israel got impatient and made an idol, turning away from God once again. This raises the question, “ ‘What becomes of the covenant?’ They had broken it before it was even completed. If this covenant were based on works or on strict justice alone Israel would be done for.”

 But that was not the case. God showed his love and grace by renewing the covenant with Israel. 

Israel often turned away from God, but he remained faithful to them, despite their unfaithfulness. 

The last covenant that we will talk about is the Davidic covenant. David was the King of Israel (and a decedent of Abraham). In this covenant, God promises to establish David’s throne forever. God was not saying that David would be the King of Israel for the rest of history, but rather, like in his promise to Abraham, that through his offspring the Kingdom would be established forever.  

At this point in history, these three covenants are remaining. God is continually showing his steadfast love and faithfulness to the nation of Israel. But Israel is still separated from God by their sins. They are constantly having to sacrifice animals to pay for their sins (because they joined the Mosaic covenant with God).

During the next step in history, God is still showing his love for the Israelites. He also reminds them of the promises that he has made to them, that he would send them a deliverer. Then, God is silent for 400 years. He does no miracles or signs or wonderful works. 

But after 400 years of silence, God does something crazy! Jesus, who is God the Son (the second person of the trinity) arrives on the scene. He is born of a virgin, an Israelite from the line of David. He is the one who has been promised.

He lived a perfect life, the first person to ever keep the law fully. But the purpose of his coming to earth was not just that he might be a good moral standard. Remember the Mosaic covenant, whereby the disobedience of the Israelites would have to be paid by the shedding of their blood? And remember how God withheld his wrath this whole time, allowing the blood of animals to atone for their sins? Jesus came to earth and lived perfectly so that He might pay the price of Israel’s disobedience once and for all.

Jesus died on the cross, a death that he did not deserve, because he had done nothing that caused him to be guilty. He paid the price that Israel was responsible for. So his death on the cross and resurrection from the dead was the beginning of a new and final covenant. And this new covenant includes both Jews and the rest of the world. All of the nations are included in God’s redemption (remember God’s promises to bless all nations?). This new covenant is not based on the obedience of works, but on the obedience of faith. That means that in order to be included in the new covenant, a person must have faith in God and the death and resurrection of Jesus.

The death of Jesus was huge in that it paid for the sins of the world. But his resurrection from the dead is where we find our hope and our motivation for living. Because we understand that this world is passing away, and we ourselves are passing away with it, we do not hope in this world or this life. We see that Jesus was resurrected from the dead, and we know that what has happened to him will happen to those who have faith. Therefore we do not have to worry about the struggles and sufferings that we are going through on this earth. We know that through faith comes suffering, but in that suffering we are becoming more like Christ, and we can endure anything for a little while because we have confidence that one day we will be united with him.

Introducing Lindsey!

I do not know why it still surprises me when God is faithful to answer prayers, but it still is. I am still excited and still, honestly, a little bit surprised when He answers a prayer that in the back of my mind I have thought would be too big for Him to do. 

Lately I have come to realize that I cannot do this alone. I try my hardest to love my co-workers, but doing it alone, they just think that that's just the way I am. But I really want another Christian co-worker so that they can see that it is not just "the way that Bethany is" but that it is the power of God that transforms lives! So I have been praying for a few months that God would send another Christian to my work, or else hurry up and save someone! 

So he gave me Lindsey. I only met her a few times in passing during the hiring process, but as soon as I heard that she was going to be working with me, I started praying so hard, "God, please let Lindsey be a Christian, or let her become one soon!" (kinda like I prayed for her before I knew that it was she who would be hired).

Today I worked with her for the first time. I am training her in the morning classes and I noticed that she was wearing a "True Love Waits" ring. I didn't get a chance to talk to her about it after class because she was training with Ben. I was trying to hang around till she was done by doing random things in the office, but after a few minutes of awkward dilly-dallying, I said goodbye because I did not want them to think that I was eavesdropping. So, this could be exciting! I shall keep praying for her!

His steadfast love is fun!

GOD IS FAITHFUL! 

Thank you, Lord, for giving me favor with my neighbors and also for giving me the grace to love them so much! ahhhh :) thank you so much!

OK, so, today I was walking towards my apartment after I dropped Sarah off at work, and Roshni yelled at me from her patio. "Bethany!!" It was so cute! Then as I started walking up the stairs, she peeked out the window and waved to me. I walked back down the stairs and she came out and invited me in. Usually she invites me in, and her mom, Sujetha is just like, "ok, ok" (because we think she is either too shy to use her english, or else she does not know very much english). But this time,  she said, "come in"!!!    YESSSSS!  That was so huge!

Then I got to go inside and hang with the fam for a while. It was such a blessing. Negesh (the Dad) is usually always at work, but he worked so much yesterday that he had today off. We talked about Hinduism, Christianity, and everything in between. I even got to watch their wedding video. 

Once again, my tiredness is triumphing over the fun details, so goodnight! 

So should we...

God has been soooo faithful to us lately!!

Today at the high-school, I had some better interactions with one of the girls. It was cool, and she even played kickball for the first time. But then I was pitching and got kicked in the eye and now I have a black eye! Oh what I will do for the sake of the gospel! Just kidding, but seriously.

All of this faithfulness on God's part is making me want to be more faithful to Him in return. 

Like, He is soooo good to me and I am seeing Him do so many crazy-awesome things, that I just want to do so much more for Him!

So after kickball I went to the church and got a list of the names of the people in our apartment complex who go to Cornerstone. Then I went over to the guys' apartment and asked them their thoughts on community and we decided to have a pool party next week. 

Then tonight we went around to some of the families and invited them, and DUDE! I am so excited to pray for these people and start living alongside them!

God, thank you for your faithfulness!

God is so faithful!

New Indian Neighbors today (across the hall).

Mike and Alex moved in downstairs on Sunday.

I had some good interactions with some kids at the high school today.

I am getting better at surfing. ( I rode some waves and got up to my knees on Britt's knee board).

Alright, now I am going to pray and then get in my bed and listen to music until I fall asleep because there is much more work to be done tomorrow!

Saturated in His grace, 

Bethy

time to get to work!

 I just got home from dropping Emily off in Costa mesa. She is going to be there for a few days before heading off to Japan. Surprisingly, it was not a sad time leaving each other. We were both so excited about what God is doing in both of our lives that it is impossible for us to be sad. Being there and meeting the rest of Emily's team that is going to Japan made me want so badly to go overseas. But I am excited to stay in Simi Valley this summer because there is so much work to be done, and I have such a joyful excitement to get going on it! 

  It is not because of a lack of opportunities that I am staying home this summer, but rather, just the opposite. I have so many opportunities to be a missionary here! I am purposefully staying here this summer to accomplish several things... here they are:

1. Build up the Body.    I am confidently expecting that God is going to form a community of believers this summer that looks like something that I have never seen. I have no idea what it is going to look like, but I know that it is going to be sa-weet. I have been praying for it, and now I am starting to take action.      

   I have been playing phone tag with a lady in my community, and hopefully we will get to meet up soon. There is a really neat couple who live a few streets down, and as soon as they get back from virginia next week, we are going to start meeting up. Just stuff like that. 

Also included in this community thing, I hope to serve, serve, serve. I want to serve the Church so much this summer and show Her that I am living missionaly here, so that the members of the Church will see that I am ready to be sent overseas. Does that make sense? Like, If they see that I am being a faithful missionary here, they will be faithful to send me out to the unreached sot that I can be a faithful missionary on the other side of the world.

2. Loving my neighbors.    I love my neighbors! The Indian community in Meadowood is so super fun and cool. I love hanging out with them, and I can't wait to start spending more and more time with them now that classes are out. 

3. Work.     It may sound  like this would be the boring part, but I have a feeling that it is going to be a "No Bummer Summer!" Haha (That's an inside joke with myself. At Imagymnation (my place of employment) our theme is "No Bummer Summer.").  I am taking on more hours since school is out, and I am so stoked to get to  be with my co-workers more! I even signed up as a student for a tumbling class so that I would get to see them for an extra hour! Plus, as a student, I will get more interaction with them than I would if I were teaching with them.

4. Surfing.  I will only live in SoCal for a little while before I head overseas. I might as well take advantage of it while I've got it, eh?

5. Re-discovering God's love for me.     A lot of the time when I picture God looking down on me, I picture a grumpy old man who is dissatisfied with the things that I have done for him. I know that He loves me so much and I want to just rest in his love and remember that He loves me, regardless of what I do. 

So, I am excited to be on mission here this summer! I'll keep you updated!

is nausea an emotion?

I want to write because so much has happened recently, but I am so filled with emotions, that the only thing that is expressing itself is apathy. 

Last weekend I went back to Kentucky to watch my friends graduate. It was so exciting to see EVERYONE again. Almost every person from our freshman class made his

or her way back to "the burg" for one last gathering. But as I was sitting in church on Sunday, with the drive back to Arkansas looming before me, I realized why I have been able to leave my friends in the past, without it  being so bad. It is always a little bit painful to leave the people who are so deeply rooted in your heart, but God's sovereignty always  overwhelmingly comforts, and we have always had "the burg" to meet at. 

    

 But this time was unusually hard because now we do not have this common place anymore.        

                                                                                           

Typically Beth Carter (one of "us" who moved to Florida) and I make it to the school once per semester to visit. But now, the common place is gone. We have started "the rest of our lives," which are all over the country now. (And soon enough we will be all over the world!!) Ugh. This stinks. It hurts so badly. His sovereignty is not overwhelming right now. I just want to puke. 

(These people are seriously the "things" that I treasure most on this earth. To quote Beth Carter, "these people have changed my life- and they are going to change the world."

      It is so true. This is a picture of my old roommate and me. Her hat (along with Singer's and Burton's hats) said, "till ALL have heard" These people will not stop until all have heard the name of Jesus Christ. Amen. 

So then I came home and my dad and I took a quick trip up to Missouri to check out the New Tribes Missionary Traini

ng Center. That added two totally new emotions to the bag. Now I am excited about the thought of going there, but confused at the same time. Should I go there? I'm actually not  worried too much about that right now. 

When I was driving up to Missouri, I was texting my good friend, Kyle. He was getting on a plane to move to Wisconsin. Oh the joy of goodbyes! They are so painful. I am so thankful that we have eternity to spend together or else I would be a mess. I love my college friends so much, and having to say goodbye to so many of them in the same weekend would be way too much if I did not have hope of the resurrection.

Then comes the frustration. Today I met with the pastor of the church that I grew up in. I wanted to find out what is involved in being supported by the church regarding long-term missions.  I did not get the answers that I was hoping for, and was a little bit surprised by some of the things that he said, but I understand that he is just doing what is required of him by the association of churches that this church is a part of. 

But I am excited to go back to California and see my roommates and be back with the Body there and go back to see my co-workers and ....yes, this is good. Thank you Lord. I wonder sometimes why he has poured out so much grace onto me. Ahhh, despite goodbyes and misunderstandings and confusion, I am so so thankful for the life that He has given me here and now. Man, eternal life is enough for me, but he just keeps piling on the blessings. It's because He loves me. Thank you, Father.

There are so many more emotions that I am feeling, but tiredness is winning over all of them. So for now, farewell and sweet dreams. 

BLES

BLES. 

This blog is going to name the top things that I love about my roommates.

1. They love Jesus. A lot.

2. They are beautiful. (ok, some people might say that about their roommates just to be nice, but i am serious, these girls are lovely)

3. They are accepting. I don't have to pretend anything with these girls. Ahhh, how refreshing.

4. They call me out. Yes, they accept me, but they do not accept my sin. How thankful I am that God has graced me with roommates who will spur me on towards godliness.

5. We are family. 

holy temple

God's people are the naos of God.

Naos is Greek for "temple." But it is not just the temple courts that we are. We are the Holy of Holies.

In 1 Corinthians 3:16-17, Paul says, "Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you? If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him. For God's temple is holy, and you are that temple." (note: the "you" in these two verses are plural. Paul is speaking to the Church as a whole.).

Ok, so let's put that all together. Paul is saying that the Church as a whole is the Holy of Holies. 

That means that we show the world who God is. I don't understand it fully, but I just know that God is delighted when we give the world a picture of who He is. I am going to share with you a writing from a girl who recently became part of the Church. Ill let it speak for itself. 

Before I knew God, I was dead. Before I knew God, I lived selfishly. I lived for myself and my own pleasures. I lived for what I felt was my purpose in life. How was I to know what my purpose was? Who was I to deem what I chose as correct? I tried to do everything by my own strength. I was broken and sad and defeated. I knew nothing of joy and light. I knew not what it was to give or receive love. My entire life was meaningless and worthless. But, God is faithful-always there. He sent me sign after sign that I didn’t want to see. He told me of his presence, but I turned my face away. He gave me all that I needed even though I deserved none of it. His grace poured onto me when I was in rebellion against him. No matter how hard He tried, I wouldn’t look to Him. Finally, he sent me a sign I couldn’t ignore. He sent me love. He sent people into my life that changed me forever. They showed me the good in this life. Above all else, they showed me faith, compassion, and understanding. I no longer live for myself-but for Christ and others. Why would I want to live for anything else? Why would I want to indulge in simplicities for instant gratification? That joy is fleeting. It does not last. This life is inconsequential-a petty amount of time. Why live for it when eternity awaits?

Peace.

Church discipline. 

It is a far off concept for most Christians today, but it is so healthy for the Church. Right now my apartment is dealing with a situation, and we are trying so hard to do everything Biblically. We have approached the situation according to the standards laid out in Matthew 18, and we have sought out council from elders. We are learning that actually living out Matthew 18, and rebuking this person (it is not Emily, Sarah, or Lor...I just want to protect their names) is super painful. 

Usually my brain is on overload. I can handle that. 

But right now, my heart is on overload. I can not handle that. 

Typically, I would think and think about all of the things that are happening in my life, and be overwhelmed to the point of paralyzation. But today I have peace. Despite everything that happened yesterday and the church discipline issue that we dealt with today and considering the fact that it is finals week, I am at peace. 

I have been a little bit unstable the past two days. Focus is hard to come by right now. I have been crying at the simplest mention of God's dealings on this earth, and I have been laughing at the slightest awkward moments. But despite my unsteady emotions, I have so much peace right now. 

I read this quote on a mug a while ago, and it is really ringing true right now: 

"Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart." 

Man, that is so powerful. Having peace with God and to knowing that He is totally creating all of these situations makes me calm in my heart. Like, my world is a roller coaster right now, and I am totally cool with it. I am a child of God, graced with life, and made blameless by his blood. Knowing all of that, how could I not have peace?