Friday, June 12, 2009

humble pie

I feasted on humble pie this week. 

My family came to visit and God taught me so much through it. Ok, so I was so exhausted while they were here, and all I wanted to do was cry. I was trying to do the things that I have committed to and still spend time with my family all while pleasing every single person. I had to skip out on some ministry stuff that I had committed to and at other times I had to work or decided that a certain ministry was more important than the time with my family. 

So, in all of this, I had to say no to a few people, and it totally messed me up. I am totally a people pleaser. But this pride issue comes from a deeper sin: Hubris.

I so badly feel the need to be perfect that I stress out when I mess up.  

This is what God taught me through my family this week...

It is exhausting trying to be perfect all the time. 

When I am around my friends and roommates and the Church body, I am pretty good at faking perfection. Like, I can hide my sin pretty well, and let the "good stuff" show. It is pretty tiring, but I can handle it for a while longer. But when I am with my family, it is really hard for me to be perfect all the time because they know me so well. 
I was exhausted this week (physically, mentally, and spiritually) because I was trying to will myself to do something that God is not asking me to do. And dude, why should I wear myself out trying to be be perfect when there is freedom in letting God's grace manifest itself in my life. 

So know I am going to ask God to give me the grace to let my imperfections show through. 

(New post later about how our ideas of perfection kill the Church).

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