Monday, June 15, 2009

Desperate

This morning I woke up desperate for Jesus. 

I have a bit of a cold. It could be because I felt yucky. I was feeling a bit rushed about taking my World Literature test. It might have been that. Saturday I had a really intense conversation with my boss about God and the way He works in the world. When I woke up all I could think was, "God, please save Ben!" I think that had a lot to do with it. 

I don't know what caused all of the blaness. But I'll tell you what I did about it.

I made some coffee and sat down at the kitchen table and cracked open my new journal that Brittany gave me for my birthday (When I write in my journal, it is usually a prayer to God, and that is what I did today).

      I told God that I refused to let my situation affect my joy. Usually when I have more things to do than time to do them, I get really stressed out and irritated with my lack of discipline. But not today. I was unable to change my situation, so I just thought about how I should act in the moment. I reached over, picked up my cross, looked for Jesus,  and started walking towards him. 

I can't say that I read a little piece of Scripture that changed my whole mood, or that I heard a word from God, or even that I felt his love so heavy or anything like that. I did not feel better about the fact that Ben is still lost and hates the things of God, or that I was not going to finish my reading for English, or even feel better physically. Nothing about my situation changed at all. Nothing. 

Except for one little thing. I decided to not dwell on my situation, but to dwell on the reality of the world in which I live. I continued to walk through the day with that cross on my back, the weight of it reminded me of the mission that I am on.

And what a difference that weight made! A fellow brother, Mark, called me up a while later and asked me if I would help him move some furniture  for an older lady that lives in our apartment complex so that he could paint for her. My flesh was like, "dude, you have to do your homework! No, say no!" But then I remembered the cross that I am carrying and said, "Yah, when do you need me to help?"

The reason that I said yes is not because I wanted to earn more brownie points with God. I did not do it because I didn't want to let my friend down. I did it because I wanted to look like the Body of Christ to the people in Meadowood. 

And hey, maybe nobody in Meadowood will ever know how Mark and I looked like Jesus today. That's ok. We were faithful. And if we continue to look like the Body all of the time, then when people look at us, they will have to see Jesus.

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