i love it i hate it.

Sometimes I hate being a Christian.

But I probably wouldn't hate it so much if my heart weren't so ugly. Last night I got frustrated at my roommate. She didn't even do anything, I was just tired and wanted to finish my homework, and I took my frustration out on her. But I had bitterness in my heart toward her. And it started growing.

This morning I woke up feeling yuck because I knew that I had murdered her in my heart. I went to class before she woke up and then came home. When I saw her car my stomach cringed, because I knew what I needed to do. I moped around for a few minutes, thinking about how I hate being a Christian, because I hate laying down my pride. I hate confessing my sins. If I weren't a Christian, I for sure would not tell her how ugly my heart is.

I avoided it for about fifteen minutes, and then I couldn't stand it anymore. I confessed to her that I was angry and frustrated at her last night.

A wall crumbled down. I felt like I could be real and honest with her again. I felt like I could love her and receive her love. More importantly, I knew that now I could go before God with a clean conscious.

Sometimes the things that hurt the most, are the things that are the best for everyone.

Ahhhh, I love being a Christian.