facing grace

The past eight months I have been obsessing about grace. I have realized just how powerful it is, and I have accepted the fact that I need it in my life. I have learned not to run away from a situation when I have messed up big time, but to march right up to that situation, and accept the grace that is to be offered.

But that's just the thing. I have begun to take it lightly. Grace isn't cheap. I have failed to realize that when I am marching right up to a situation, I am actually marching right up to a person. I don't realize that it is costing that person who is offering me grace.

I think I didn't realize this because I never gave much grace to anyone. That's why I didn't realize it was costly.

Grace is so expensive.

At the end of Luke 7, in a beautiful act of love a sinful woman pours out costly ointment on Jesus' feet anointing them with her own tears and wiping them with her hair. The ointment was costly, but she didn't care, for she had been forgiven much. That's why she loved much.

Then Jesus goes on to say that "he who has been forgiven little, loves little."

I have the most wonderful friends in the world. They forgive me for so much. Seriously, last semester, I was so terrible to them, but they forgive me every day and they love me so much.

But the truth of the matter is that I have not admitted to myself that I even need forgiveness.

Does that make sense? When Jesus said the part about those who have been forgiven little, love little, he was talking to some Pharisees. The thing about Pharisees is that they thought they were righteous. They thought that they were achieving righteousness through the law.

I thought I was doing it all right (just read previous blogs and you will see how arrogant I was).

I thought that I was holy and didn't need anyone's forgiveness.

I was wrong.

I. need. forgiveness.

I mess up and I need to be ok with that. I'm still working on it. Geez, it's hard.