Tonight before church I was telling Emily what I learned about letting the Holy Spirit control my life instead of having myself. I told her how I am scared stiff of messing up. Like, in life, I am so scared to mess up sometimes, that I do nothing at all. 

I guess it is a good thing that I realize the severity of sin, but sometimes sinning is not even a factor, and I am just so scared that I get paralyzed in thought (urg. I hate overthinking things!)

For example, inviting my co-workers to church. It is certainly not a sin to invite one of my co-workers to come to church with me! And while I am not really that afraid of being rejected by them, I am afraid of asking them when they are not ready and messing up and making them hate church and God forever. 

And that is baloney ( I know, bologna. But I like baloney better).

It is baloney to think that my asking a co-worker to go to church could mess up God's plan to save that person. Haha. Bethany, you are not powerful enough to mess up God's plan. Ahhh, what a sweet reality that is. 

Tonight when we got to church, the second song we sang was the following song. The first two lines were up on the screen for about 30 seconds. After about 5 seconds of looking at the words, they hit me. Hard.

I looked over at Emily who was a few people down, and I started cracking up laughing. People were turning around to look at me. But I just kept laughing. I could feel the Holy Spirit in me, giving me joy and telling me that this is what His love is like. I am falling so in love with God and I just want to know how to give up all control to Him. 

Here's that song:

A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains 
And If I stumble again
I'm caught in our grace
Everlasting, Your light will shine 
When all else fails 
Neverending, your glory goes 
Beyond all fame 

In my heart and my soul
I give You control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Everlasting, Your light will shine 
When all else fails
Neverending, Your glory goes
Beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart 
Is to bring You praise 
From the inside out 
Lord my soul cries out

Your will above all else 
My purpose remains 
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting, Your light will shine 
When all else fails 
Neverending, your glory goes 
Beyond all fame