is nausea an emotion?

I want to write because so much has happened recently, but I am so filled with emotions, that the only thing that is expressing itself is apathy. 

Last weekend I went back to Kentucky to watch my friends graduate. It was so exciting to see EVERYONE again. Almost every person from our freshman class made his

or her way back to "the burg" for one last gathering. But as I was sitting in church on Sunday, with the drive back to Arkansas looming before me, I realized why I have been able to leave my friends in the past, without it  being so bad. It is always a little bit painful to leave the people who are so deeply rooted in your heart, but God's sovereignty always  overwhelmingly comforts, and we have always had "the burg" to meet at. 

    

 But this time was unusually hard because now we do not have this common place anymore.        

                                                                                           

Typically Beth Carter (one of "us" who moved to Florida) and I make it to the school once per semester to visit. But now, the common place is gone. We have started "the rest of our lives," which are all over the country now. (And soon enough we will be all over the world!!) Ugh. This stinks. It hurts so badly. His sovereignty is not overwhelming right now. I just want to puke. 

(These people are seriously the "things" that I treasure most on this earth. To quote Beth Carter, "these people have changed my life- and they are going to change the world."

      It is so true. This is a picture of my old roommate and me. Her hat (along with Singer's and Burton's hats) said, "till ALL have heard" These people will not stop until all have heard the name of Jesus Christ. Amen. 

So then I came home and my dad and I took a quick trip up to Missouri to check out the New Tribes Missionary Traini

ng Center. That added two totally new emotions to the bag. Now I am excited about the thought of going there, but confused at the same time. Should I go there? I'm actually not  worried too much about that right now. 

When I was driving up to Missouri, I was texting my good friend, Kyle. He was getting on a plane to move to Wisconsin. Oh the joy of goodbyes! They are so painful. I am so thankful that we have eternity to spend together or else I would be a mess. I love my college friends so much, and having to say goodbye to so many of them in the same weekend would be way too much if I did not have hope of the resurrection.

Then comes the frustration. Today I met with the pastor of the church that I grew up in. I wanted to find out what is involved in being supported by the church regarding long-term missions.  I did not get the answers that I was hoping for, and was a little bit surprised by some of the things that he said, but I understand that he is just doing what is required of him by the association of churches that this church is a part of. 

But I am excited to go back to California and see my roommates and be back with the Body there and go back to see my co-workers and ....yes, this is good. Thank you Lord. I wonder sometimes why he has poured out so much grace onto me. Ahhh, despite goodbyes and misunderstandings and confusion, I am so so thankful for the life that He has given me here and now. Man, eternal life is enough for me, but he just keeps piling on the blessings. It's because He loves me. Thank you, Father.

There are so many more emotions that I am feeling, but tiredness is winning over all of them. So for now, farewell and sweet dreams.