Space Mountain

This has a lot of update information, so get ready for a ton of info...

This year Disneyland has a special promotion that lets people get into the park for free on their birthdays! Monday was my birthday, and so I took full advantage of the opportunity. My sister, Brittany, my roommate, Sarah, and I headed down to Anaheim early Monday morning. 

When we got there I was so excited to ride the rides. Space Mountain was first. We went super

 fast up and down and all around! We were going so so fast, and we could not see anything (space mountain is dark like outer-space)!! It was such a rush to be going full speed ahead and to not be able to see anything, but trusting that the ride would bring us back to where we needed to be. 

Today has been like that roller coaster. It started out so well! I met with my missions professor this morning at Starbucks, and he had such great wisdom for me. When we were there, my Theology professor walked in (note: I am a little bit afraid of my Theology professor because I get really bad grades in his classes, and I thought that he hated me). I got up some courage, and waved at him. He waved back and smiled really big. That may sound silly, but it was a huge encouragement. 

The roller coaster was going up...

After talking about missions over no coffee (I am trying to cut back) I had to run to work because I am being trained to teach the "Diaper Daredevils" class. It was a good time, and I feel confident about teaching my first class on Saturday. 

The roller coaster is getting faster...

I rushed over to the school, and walked into class. We talked about things in our lives that hinder the gospel from going foreword. This was HUGE for me. We talked about how Satan uses the culture in our generation feeds us so many lies, the main one being, "You are not good enough." 

Think about it. Every single advertisement, weather it is a commercial, magazine add, billboard, you name it, they all say the same thing: You are not good enough unless you have ______ (fill in the blank). That is a lie, and we have let our hearts be deceived.

The roller coaster just made a big turn....

I thought about why I think that my theology professor does not like me.  I am believing a lie that my insufficiencies determine my acceptance. But that is a lie. And my professor does not hate me. He even smiled at me when I gave him the chance. 

Whew, this ride is fun!

After class, I usually go to Simi High School to help coordinate the intramural sports, but we did not have it today, so I went to the student lounge to get some things done. I was working on answering an e-mail when Monique called me. She sounded frantic, and she told me that Emily is moving to Idaho in an hour! 

Emily is a girl that Monique and Karina have embraced. They are trying to show her the steadfast love of Christ, in the midst of her ever-changing and unstable home life. The girls were really struggling with the best way to show her love. It was so beautiful to watch them asking questions about how they should treat her so that their actions best represent Christ to Emily. But today Emily's mom came to pick her up from her uncle's house to take her to a boarding school in Idaho. 

It was so sad to see her leave, but not hard. I am trusting that God has done this for a reason. 

The roller coaster went down hill fast, but everything is okay. It is still way dark on this ride, and I can not see what is in front of me. I don't even know if it is going to be a drop or a turn or an uphill that comes next, but that is the way the ride is supposed to be.

Then I went back to school to meet with the Admissions lady to sign the payment papers for next semester. When I got finished with that, I called Ben back because I had missed a call from him when I was saying goodbye to Emily. 

Ben asked me if I had heard the sad news yet, and I said no. He told me that Amanda, the high school girl who works in the office at my work got in a train crash and passed away. I could barely make it through the phone call before the tears began. 

I was a mess. I was walking around the parking lot, trying to be calm. I just had to sit on the curb and pray. I know that God is using this to soften Ben's heart. 

Last night as we were laying in bed I was holding back tears and telling Emily (the roommate, not the one moving to Idaho) that I have talked so much to Ben that I do not think that words are even getting to his heart anymore. I have been praying for him to SEE the Church loving each other and loving him. I have no idea how he is going to get embraced by the Church, but perhaps through Amanda's death he will see the love of the Body of Christ. 

Please pray for the Church to love and for Ben to feel and see that love in this time of sadness. 

So, the roller coaster is still going full speed. I can not see a thing, and I have no idea what the next move will be. But I am trusting that the cart is still on the tracks and that God is guiding it. 

His grace is sufficient.

Today was supposed to be work, homework, and a slumber party. But when I got to work this morning I looked on my locker, and I had a birthday party notification. Blah! Instead of being able to study all afternoon, I had to go back to work at 3 to work the birthday party tonight. 

I was a little bit frustrated with myself because I let myself forget that I was working this afternoon, so I came home for lunch in a pretty bad mood. When I got home, Emily and Kyle were in the front of the stairway playing with all of the Indian kids. I got out of my jeep and started walking towards the stairs. They said, are you ok? I said, "I need to pray," and then walked up the stairs.    

Roshni (our little neighbor below us) chased me up the stairs and handed me a flower and a pine-cone (yes, there are a few pine-cones in southern California). We threw the pine-cone over the balcony a few times, and then I went inside. I was so hungry, so I made a pb&j. When I was making it, I was praying, "God, I am faithful to you, please just let this party be easy."

Then I remembered the words that got me through the last set of birthday parties that I did not want to work. 

 "Your grace is enough for me."

Boom. I remembered the grace that God has poured out on my life, and my mood immediately changed from grumpy to thankful. I was so thankful for  my salvation that working a few extra hours at the end of the day was not even a big deal anymore! Heck, I will endure anything with thankfulness because I am a CHILD OF GOD! So, whatever happens in life, good or bad, I should be so stoked about it because God has lavished his grace upon me. And his grace really is enough for me. Ahhh. It is enough. 

A whole new world

My mind and my heart are going so many different directions right now, and all at the speed of light. I am really unable to write about any of it. God is doing such a work on me right now. I can't wait to write it all out... probably after finals, but now is a good opportunity for me to catch you up on some of the past.

A few weeks ago, my roommate turned 23. She wanted to go down to the pier to walk around, so we got a bunch of people together and headed down to the ocean. The boys got very bored while waiting for the girls to finish getting ready, and this is what happened...

subtraction and addition

Tonight was a nice evening. We had our first dinner at the kitchen table together. Yes, for the first time, BLESS* ate together at the table in our apartment.

Wait! BLESS did I say? I thought that it was BLES right now, since we subtracted one...well technically yes. But we had a new friend over tonight. Her name is Sarah Carlson (The final "S"). We had an informal interview with her to see if she would want to live here. 

I'm pretty sure that this is going to work out. She will not be able to move in until August, when she starts attending EBC, but... we are excited about our new addition. 

*BLESS is our little apartment's name. we have me, Bethany, Lauren, Emily, Sarah, and it used to be Sandi, but if you subtract that and add another Sarah, you get BLESS all over again!

(see the earlier post about BLESS if you are confused)

pictures!

SO much has happened in the past two weeks, and I hope to write out some of it tomorrow, but for 

now, some pictures!!!

Sarah and I went hiking on Sunday and we enjoyed Sabbath rest

my clothes smell spicy

This week was like a flower. It was painful yet throughout the entire week I was in a state of worship. It was lonely at times, but I also experienced the reality of being part of the Church. Some parts of the week were ugly, but as a whole, it was so beautiful. I am just going to tell you about one petal on the flower that was this past week. 

Monday between my sessions at work, Emily, Kyle, and I went over to visit Lavenya. We had not been over in a while, and it was soooo good to be back in her place! We talked a bit, and she invited us [actually, we kind-of invited ourselves :) ] over for lunch on Wednesday. 

Wednesday, I rushed home from work so excited to hang out with our Indian friend. We met up to pray before we headed over, remembering that the power of our God is the only way to reach her with the Gospel. 

We got there and her husband and son were home. What a pleasant surprise! They are such a fun family to be with! Anyways, we were eating, and Lavenya apologized for making such a simple meal (it was chapatis, curry, and rice...and spicy!!). She said that she was very tired lately because she is "carrying." We were like "what?" Then it clicked. She is having a baby!

My jaw started hurting because I was smiling so big! I am so excited to get to be with her during this time in her life! We asked her if they were going to find out if it is a boy or a girl, and she said that she wants a surprise, but her husband wants to know. She said that in India, it is a crime to know what gender the baby is before it is born. I thought that she was joking at first, and she meant that it was taboo to know. So many things that they do are because of tradition, and I thought that this was one of them, but then she explained further. 

She said that in the small villages in India, if the parents find out that the baby is a girl, they will "have a miscarriage" i.e., they will abort the baby. It is still customary for the father of the bride to give a dowry when he gives his daughter in marriage, so because they are so poor, the parents will abort the girls to avoid having to pay a dowry. 

But here is the cool thing. The government in India values life so much that they made it illegal to tell the parents the gender of the baby so that they would not abort the little girls. I just gained some respect for the Indian government. 

Today, Sarah and I went over to return some bowls that we had borrowed from them. It was Sarah's first time to meet the family, and it was friendship at first sight. :) When we were about to leave, the husband (i forgot his name...i know, i am a looser, but give me a break, its hard to pronounce his name, much less to remember it!)  asked us what our plans were for the evening.  

Hello open door! We told him that we were going to church tonight. It lead to some really cool stuff. He asked what we do at church, and we explained what we do, and most importantly, why we do what we do. Then Sarah, in all of her wisdom and joyfulness, told them that you don't just have to be in a building to worship God. You can do it anywhere!

Then we asked them about the temple that they visit, and what the purpose of going to the temple is. Then somehow we found out that they have been to a Christian church when they lived in New York. They did not have a Bible, or any American friends, and so they did not really understand what was going on. In fact, they said, we are their only American friends.

(Let this just be an encouragement to embrace the foreigners where you live.... wait a second.... doesn't the Bible command that somewhere?)                       

Lavenya even went to a Christian school when she lived in India!!!! But she said that she forgot everything that she learned. 

I don't know what to think of this all. 

Please! Pray for God to make them soooo hungry for the Gospel!!!

Pray for God to use this pregnancy to share the Gospel with them!

The one thing that I know

I was just taking Monique home, and we were talking, and this is what happened...

She was telling me about the mission trip that she just went on , and how she learned so much but didn't have time to apply it all. I thought for a minute, and then asked her, "What are some of the things that you are learning that you are not applying?" She said that she didn't know and that she would have to look at her notes. 

Ok, so my first thought was to tell her to make a list of all of the things that she learned and that she wanted to apply, and to pick one thing to work on this week. But before I said it, this thought came into my little mind:

I don't know how to be a Christian other than to pray.

Like, if we go throughout our lives trying to accomplish lists, we have fallen into deadly legalism. But if we swing too far to the other end of the pendulum, and say that we are going to "live by the Spirit," and not worry too much about all of the commands, how can we be sure that we are applying those eternal truths that He gives us in His word? 

So, the only thing that I know for sure is prayer. Just pray and love. 

ask wertz

I honestly can not keep up with the pace of my life right now. It is so wonderful, but everything is on super-sonic speed mode. So, I will write an update blog pretty soon but for now, I am going to show you a short video that my roommate, Lor, and I put together. 

It is a response to Matt Wertz (a musician) who asked for video questions.... I hope you enjoy.

I am seriously messed up. 

This morning I was sitting on the couch just enjoying Easter morning and looking through The Travel Book that sits on our coffee table. Looking at the faces of the people in that book, and realizing that they live in a country where Jesus has not been named, has ruined the rest of my day. I just want so badly to tell them the story of God!   

 The countries are listed alphabetically in the book, and I got all the way to the letter M before I broke down. I came into my room and sat down at the desk that my roommate and I share, turned on my computer, and went to www.joshuaproject.org to look up the status of the Gospel around the world. 

I started to make a list of the countries around the world where that have never been engaged with the Gospel. But the list got too long. I got a bit overwhelmed and had no other option but to fall on my knees in prayer before the Creator of these people. 

Later today I was listening to some music and the old hymn, This is My Father's World came on. Man! I immediately comforted by the lyrics. 

This is my Father's world. 

It's not mine. 

He knows what He is doing. And it is His to do with what He pleases.

He knows that I am here right now, and that there are people all over the world that do not know his name.

But its His world. Not mine. 

That is comforting. 

The King is worthy of his throne

     This is something I wrote at the beginning of March, when we first started praying together. I just wanted to share it with you because meditating upon it has caused me to ascribe more worth to our King. 

     We are so excited all day because tonight we are meeting together to go before the King. He has given us the opportunity to come before his throne. We come to him to hear what he desires his kingdom to look like. We come as listeners, eager to hear his heart. We praise him for his wisdom and his goodness. We love him because of his faithful love. We thank him for his mercy and forgiveness. We adore him for his beauty and we need him because of his grace. He is such a good King. 

We rejoice at the privilege to kneel at his feet, yet as we bend in humility, he looks at us and says, “Stand, my children. Jesus has defeated the enemy. You have received the faith to come before me, and you have received the grace to stand before me.” Just to be near him is nerve-racking, but we can approach him with confidence.  Like a loving father, He allows us to ask him to grant our requests. And whatever we ask, we receive from Him because we are we are asking the things that are pleasing to him. We confess that sometimes we mess up, but He has already forgiven us, and He lets us know that His plan for his kingdom is greater than our vision of it. 

     We are speechless as we leave the throne room, trying to realize what has just taken place. The Holy, Infinite, Creator King has just allowed us to entertain him with our presence. We look foreword to the good things that He will do, confidently expecting Him to add more subjects to his kingdom. Tomorrow we will watch as he grants our requests, and we are eager to go into his throne room and worship him again, because He is so worthy.

Chasing the sunset

The friday before last, we went to the beach to see the sunset over the ocean. When we got there we played on the sand for a bit. 

When we looked up from the little cove that we were in, we realized that the sun was already behind the rocks! We left our shoes and everything and started chasing the sunset. We had to get higher so that we could see it!

Monique was a little bit scared climbing over the rocks.... but we still had to run about a quarter mile (on dirt and rocks) with bare feet to get to

 the perfect sunset spot. 

Hurry! We don't want to miss it!

After each of us stepped on a few thorns and small rocks, we finally made it... just as the sun was dipping into the ocean for the night. It was Monique's first time to see the sunset over the ocean. It was such a beautiful night! 

peppermint coffee

I just put on the first pot of coffee for the night, and I decided to blog while I wait for it to brew. There is so much that I want to share with everyone right now, but it is so much that I am having trouble sorting it all out and putting it into words. But I am ok with that. Lately God has given me way more than I can chew, and I love it! So for now I am just going to leave you with a list of my favorite things...because I can't process anything too deep right now.

1. space.     Lor just cleaned our entire apartment, and it is sooooo nice!

2. Romans chapter 5. God's grace is capturing my heart. 

3. Chaco sandals. I have three pairs of shoes: running shoes, mocasins, and my chaco sandals. I wear my chacos 97% of the time.

4. hand-me-downs.

5. Panera hazelnut coffee. Beats Starbucks coffee 360 days out of the year. And free refills. 

6. Emily's songs.    (My roomate writes songs for Jesus and they lead me into worship.)

7. not suburbs. beaches, mountains, and caves are preferable. 

8. An Arrow Pointing To Heaven. Even if you don't like his music, you should check out Rich Mullins' biography. I have a copy if you want it.

9. prayer. ohhhh. yes. prayer, its so good. 

10. listening to a good story.

11. Greek.

12. my family. 

13. the feeling when you finally lay down in bed after finishing your homework.

Right now I am shooting for number 13, so I am going to go pour that coffee into a little red mug and get back to writing my papers.

a little bit of lovin'

Jesus told us to love our neighbors.

But how can we love them if we don't even know them? 

Yesterday we had a pool party/barbecue at the pool in our apartment complex. We invited a bunch of our neighbors, but only the high-schoolers came. It was a little awkward at first. We (my roomates and some of the guys from Cornerstone who live in the complex) were sitting on one side of the pool, putting together the grill and preparing the food, and the high-schoolers were on the other side of the pool (Nobody really got in because the complex just re-did our pool, and the water is super cold.).

When the burgers were done, we called them over. They walked, skipped, and laughed their way over to where we were. They all filled their plates with summertime goodies, but instead of walking back to the opposite end of the pool to eat, they put their plates down. Then they walked over to where they had been sitting, grabbed the pool chairs, and moved them over to where we were. It was way cool to watch. 

We spent the rest of the afternoon talking, laughing, and watching them throw each other into the freezing cold water.  

This is the story of how we are getting to know our neighbors a little bit more. 

(also, an update on Kevin (across from us), and Renee (below us):   we had Renee and her family over to play games on thursday night, and on saturday, we helped them move out :(     Kevin called and he is having to stay away on business for even longer. He will be moving to Chicago soon. )

restless

For my class on 1 Corinthians, we have to do a spiritual retreat based on chapter 13. Yesterday I went to the beach to do my retreat. The first section  was a time of meditation and silence before God. I went to a beach and looked for seashells, but it was not a good beach for sitting, so I went up the coast about two miles and went to another beach. I walked around, skipped some stones into the water, and played with the sand for a bit. It was so hard for me to sit still! I couldn't focus, so I went to the nearby Starbucks and got a cup of tea. Once I had finally settled down, this is what I wrote.

I am realizing how restless I am in my heart. Recently I realized (thanks to Lauri) that all of the moving around that I have done in the past few years has been due to the restlessness in my heart. I don’t know if now I am learning to control that restlessness, or if it is going away, but I think that the evidence points towards the former. During this project, I have been searching for the ideal situation. I have gone to three different beaches, and now I am at Starbucks, determined to stay here until I finish. And its not like this is totally unlike me. Usually I spend more time thinking about doing something and preparing to do it and trying to figure out the best way to do it, that I end up running out of time to do it properly and effectively. I don't know if this restlessness is due, as i just mentioned, to my longing for the ideal situation, or if it is because I really just want to be doing something else (living overseas), but I think that both are true, and neither are okay. 

If I am longing to go overseas, and I have this idea that only when I am among an unreached people group will I be happy. If that continues to be my mindset, then I will never be happy. The only thing that will ever truly satisfy me is God himself. 

And this ideal-ness that I am pursuing points to two things. One: I am longing for future glory. I know that this is not the way that things are supposed to be, but I need to learn to live in the reality that this is a fallen world, and that people and situations are not going to be perfect (It goes back to the satisfaction thing- I cannot look for satisfaction in people and situations; I have to let the grace of God satisfy me.). 

Two: it does not really point to this, but it leads me to this conclusion: I am missing out on so much because I am waiting for the perfect everything to come along. For instance, for a while now, I have been praying for a mentor. I am so unwilling to settle for anything less than Jesus himself, and so I am missing out on all of the wonderful wisdom and guidance that the women who are already in my life have. Baaah. Well, today is a good time to start living in these realities. Thank you Father for graciously allowing me to see these things. 

trusting because I don't know

Right now all that I can do is trust Him. We are helping our neighbor, Renee, move out on Saturday morning. Her apartment is just getting too crowded with her boyfriend, Dan; her two boys, Austin and Cody; Dan's two boys; and herself. So they found a nice little house that will suit them well. I am really starting to love Renee. Tonight we invited her, Dan, and her two sons over for games and cookies. The boys were so excited to get to eat cookies and play games on a Thursday night. They even sacrificed watching Survivor because they were so excited! 

It was the first time that we had ever really hung out together. The saddest part of it all was something that Renee said. She said that this was the only other apartment she had ever been in at this complex. So here is where the trusting comes in... Renee is moving, and she is not saved. Jesus is not her King. We have to trust God with her salvation.

Hmmm.... as I am writing this, I just realized something. I was going to say that we are just having to trust God with her salvation. We have done what we could, and the rest is up to him. But then it hit me. We really did try with her. We have prayed so much for her, and have knocked on her door a ton. I am so excited that it is not me who gives the growth, but God who is in charge of that. I can honestly say that we have been faithful workers in His field with her. Perhaps it is just that he called us to plant the seeds. We will continue to pray that someone else will water those seeds in her life.

And we are also learning the urgency of the gospel. Kevin is moving soon as well. He  got transferred to Chicago. The seeds are not as evident in his life, but maybe we were just there to pull weeds so that someone else could plant the seeds. But I really feel like we have been faithful with him as well. Maybe even more so than with Renee. 

I just hope that this encourages you to get to know your neighbors well because of the Gospel. Learn about your neighbors. Play with them. Laugh with them. Cry with them. Love them.